A Life Unfolding

For my daughter, Lucy

They say parents need time to mourn

when their child inevitably becomes something different than expected

twisting out of the mental mold you made for them

hopefully out of love

I stay up some nights forcing myself to imagine

every possible route your life could take

trying not to settle in

refusing to be surprised

in one life you have four partners

I delight in buying a larger dining room table

endless voices echo through our home

I see the joy each person brings to you

I love that you are so loved

in another life you marry a pirate

and delight in spending idle time by water 

you grow old and become the ocean

I never experience you fully again 

but you let me sail your waters

I peek below and wait for you to envelop me

or not

every moment you shape shift in my mind

you live alone at the top of a high rise in London

I don’t ask you if you will have children

then you decide to live in space

“You always enjoyed the quiet winters in your childhood home,” I might think

as I watch your story unfold